Where To Go From Here....

Thank you to all my friends and family who offered prayers, good thoughts and support this past week and weekend as we said our humanly goodbyes to our loved one, EddK. It has yet to settle in that this is real--that it's not a movie, or a story, or that he's gone on a trip. This is real. I keep telling myself this over and over in hopes that it will settle into my consciousness and become real at some point. And I know it will...and I will let time and life do its job and decide when that happens.

The service was beautiful. Dr. Young gave a wonderful message about the WHY of this. And we don't know the WHY of this, otherwise we'd be God---AND WE'RE NOT! He quoted part of 1 Corinthians 13 that my Mom (both wise people) had quoted earlier in the week about how we wrap our brains around the humanness of all this... "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." Mom's words were, "In the same way, we can see and understand only a little about God NOW, as if we were peering at his reflection in a poor mirror; but SOMEDAY we are going to see Him in His completeness, face to face. Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but THEN I will see everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart RIGHT NOW. I can't understand why this tragedy was allowed, but someday we will KNOW. He had such a beautiful life ahead of him."

That's about all I can comprehend at this point, and I'm ok with only being able to go that far. You can't learn to run a marathon in a day, and I can't fully begin to live my life without EddK in it at once. So I'm good with a 1 Corinthians outlook right now....

Inside the bulletin that was handed out at the service were Scripture that the family holds near and dear to them. One of them made my heart swell. It is one I have clung onto HARD through my life--I had it "tattoed" onto my heartstrings many years ago. I held onto it like a lifeline through my brother's accident. And it was reignited at that moment when I read Romans 8:38-39 once again...."For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." These are words that help me make it through the day. I know that my Savior will never leave me nor forsake me....and when I am at my lowest, he's there...waiting for me...

So where do we go from here? This is what I am trying to determine. I can't seem to get myself moving today. I can't seem to WANT to move forward. Yes, I got the dog AND the cat bathed. Yes, I ran and lifted weights. Yes, I got the house picked up and vaccuumed and I'm working on the laundry. Yes, I'm trying to get motivated to go through my office and get back to scrapping. My world has changed, whether I like it or not. And I'm just plain sad.

I miss you EddK, and I love you more.....