Where To Go From Here....

Thank you to all my friends and family who offered prayers, good thoughts and support this past week and weekend as we said our humanly goodbyes to our loved one, EddK. It has yet to settle in that this is real--that it's not a movie, or a story, or that he's gone on a trip. This is real. I keep telling myself this over and over in hopes that it will settle into my consciousness and become real at some point. And I know it will...and I will let time and life do its job and decide when that happens.

The service was beautiful. Dr. Young gave a wonderful message about the WHY of this. And we don't know the WHY of this, otherwise we'd be God---AND WE'RE NOT! He quoted part of 1 Corinthians 13 that my Mom (both wise people) had quoted earlier in the week about how we wrap our brains around the humanness of all this... "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." Mom's words were, "In the same way, we can see and understand only a little about God NOW, as if we were peering at his reflection in a poor mirror; but SOMEDAY we are going to see Him in His completeness, face to face. Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but THEN I will see everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart RIGHT NOW. I can't understand why this tragedy was allowed, but someday we will KNOW. He had such a beautiful life ahead of him."

That's about all I can comprehend at this point, and I'm ok with only being able to go that far. You can't learn to run a marathon in a day, and I can't fully begin to live my life without EddK in it at once. So I'm good with a 1 Corinthians outlook right now....

Inside the bulletin that was handed out at the service were Scripture that the family holds near and dear to them. One of them made my heart swell. It is one I have clung onto HARD through my life--I had it "tattoed" onto my heartstrings many years ago. I held onto it like a lifeline through my brother's accident. And it was reignited at that moment when I read Romans 8:38-39 once again...."For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." These are words that help me make it through the day. I know that my Savior will never leave me nor forsake me....and when I am at my lowest, he's there...waiting for me...

So where do we go from here? This is what I am trying to determine. I can't seem to get myself moving today. I can't seem to WANT to move forward. Yes, I got the dog AND the cat bathed. Yes, I ran and lifted weights. Yes, I got the house picked up and vaccuumed and I'm working on the laundry. Yes, I'm trying to get motivated to go through my office and get back to scrapping. My world has changed, whether I like it or not. And I'm just plain sad.

I miss you EddK, and I love you more.....

The Gift of Ordinary Days

I have been struggling on what to do for Lent this year, what can I give up in this world that will bring me closer to God? I've contemplated food not good for me, or my sometimes awful mouth and language and what is coming out of it, or habits that need changing....and none of them seem to really hit home to me. I just can't seem to find that "thing" that I'm supposed to be doing....

Got this from a wonderful friend this morning. Watching this made me realize that my issues aren't with the things of this world I need to give up, but that I need to be giving of MYSELF, and who so more than to my own child? I began to realize how busy I am, and how time is slipping away faster and faster every moment of everyday...and having an only child makes time slip exponentially faster. Coupled with the loss of our dear EddK this week, and knowing the three babies he has left behind, this video has compounded for me that I don't need to give up things but need to give more of my time to my child, my husband, my family....

This year for Lent and I pray going forward, I will be making a very renewed conscious effort to be more of one of my very favorite scripture's kind of person, to be a "Psalms 46:10" kind of gal.....to be still and know that He is GOD. I will strive for more ordinary days, and to see the blessings, see the peace, see the awesome love of the Father in the small and big moments. Instead of rushing through mornings, I will try harder to give us more time to get to school with a good attitude and smiles to start the day. Instead of after school staying busy and going full speed, I will try harder to take more downtime and spend it with my guy just being, or playing a game, or doing something together. Instead of blowing through the nighttime routines because we got home late from activities, I will try harder to schedule things better...or learn to let go of some things...so that there is more time spent in less stressful homework being accomplished, or more time in reading before bed and listening to him in whatever it is he needs to talk about.

Because before we know it, they will be gone.....

Surely I can't be alone in this quest. And if I am, Father forgive me for what I have become....

Please watch this video, it will remind you what an amazing gift you and your spouse have been given in your children. I am looking forward to slowing down a little, breathing a little more and treasuring every moment with my boy. I am grateful for this Lenten season to bring me to this place, and am looking forward to celebrating the rememberance of the Resurrection this season!

The Gift Of An Ordinary Day from Katrina Kenison on Vimeo.

Just wanted to share with you. Please keep the Hendee family, as well as our family, in your thoughts and prayers this weekend as we face one of the hardest days we will ever face....

Blessings,
Lezleigh

Giving this a try....

I keep saying I'm going to do this....so it's time to stop saying and start doing. And it's a bit of a scary thing putting yourself out there for the world to dissect at whim. But just maybe I'll find out I'm not alone in the journey to find life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in this crazy life...